‘Chasing Rainbows have been a lifeline. There is so much joy that our daughter is here but there’s always that feeling that she and Rocky should be here together’
Paul Webb and Clare Brooks with their new baby Fallon, who is just four weeks old(Image: Clare Brooks)
Clare Brooks and Paul Webb holds hands as they walk down the maternity ward corridor, Paul tightly clutching the baby carrier holding their newborn daughter on their home, in a happy scene played out in hundreds of hospitals every day. But their joy at taking home baby Fallon is a bittersweet one tinged with sadness.
The Pocklington couple’s first baby, Rocky, was healthy and born at term, but he suffered a brain injury as a result of complications during delivery and, his injuries too severe to recover from, he died at just two days old. Now – days after officially registering the birth of their four-week-old baby daughter Fallon – Clare has told how they are now planning a huge fundraising event for Chasing Rainbows, the Hull-based charity which has supported them since losing Rocky and throughout her second pregnancy.
Founded by Sam Catanach, the national charity is described as a “beacon of hope” for hundreds of families enduring their darkest moments, supporting those experiencing baby loss and infertility.
Clare, who has been with Paul for 16 years, said: “For us, they have been a lifeline. The pain we endured was unimaginable and the loss of Rocky was devastating to us, our family and our loved ones. Nothing could have prepared us – it was never on our radar that something like this could happen at the end of a perfectly normal pregnancy.
“We met Sam, the founder of Chasing Rainbows, and she has been a source of unwavering support ever since. We continued to access support with the charity throughout our second pregnancy, which was an incredibly difficult time. We were supported every step of the way through support calls, groups, peer support, wellness events and even company at appointments. It is hard to put into words how valuable this has been to our journey.
“We’ve just registered the birth of our four-week-old daughter, Rocky’s sister Fallon, and we just want to give back to Chasing Rainbows, to continue their vital work for other families in need.”
Clare, 36, described how losing Rocky changed the couple’s world forever. She said: “We had a normal pregnancy and he was a healthy baby. But he became distressed during the birth. He suffered such severe injuries that he couldn’t recover. He was transferred from York to Hull NICU where we met Sam, founder of Chasing Rainbows. And he died when he was two days old.
“It’s completely devastating and is so hard to live with because it should never have happened. It really impacted our next pregnancy because we knew with Rocky that everything was fine. You’re just waiting to bring your baby home, aren’t you? You relax and think everything will be OK – but everything went wrong with Rocky at the very last moment.
“There is so much joy that Fallon is here, but there’s 17 months between them and there’s always that feeling that they should be here together.”
Clare, who works for (SSCL), which provides business support services for government and public sector agencies, and Paul, 43, a marketing manager, fell pregnant eight months after Rocky passed away, after “going round in circles” on whether they were strong enough to go through it all again.
She said: “We obviously did want a family, but there’s so many different things involved – how hard the journey would be, the guilt that you have a feeling of leaving Rocky behind, even though we’re not. We never will, but there’s really complex feelings with that.
“The pregnancy was really hard and to be blunt about it, every single day we just thought she was going to die. It’s just how we felt. We bonded with her, but didn’t ever think that we really would be bringing her home – it’s maybe a coping mechanism, isn’t it? We were incredibly scared, and so now she’s just the most precious thing.”
The couple are now settling into parenthood with Fallon – with one half of her wardrobe holding her clothes and the other still holding Rocky’s, an emotional way for them to share the nursery.
Clare said: “She is his double. They look so similar. It’s a difficult adjustment sometimes, but I think it feels very different because we’re just so grateful. The nursery has really become sort of like their room.
“We decorated it before Rocky arrived in a woodland theme. It was quite neutral because we didn’t find out whether Rocky was a boy or a girl. When Rocky passed away, my brothers came to the house when I was still at the hospital, and they moved everything into the nursery, shut the door, and just made sure there was no baby things around.
“But then when we got back, we didn’t want for the doors to be shut, and for it to be this awful place that we would never go into. Paul came back from the hospital the night before me, he opened the door, and he left it open, for when I got back. We did go back in straight away and spend some time in there, and it was really hard. We made it more of a place to feel connected to him.”
In between nappy changes and feeds Clare is now putting all her efforts into a huge fundraising night at Mecca Bingo, on Clough Road in Hull, which has offered use of the venue after their usual bingo session on March 7. Anyway up Bingo, hosted by Jimi Webb, will host a charity night from 9pm, with entertainment, fun, games and prizes.
Tickets cost £20 and are available at this website. More details can be found on Instagram @in_rockys_name. Donations can also be made by contacting Chasing Rainbows at www.chasingrainbowscharity.com
Further fundraisers are also planned later this year. Jason Brooks, Clare’s brother, is doing the London Landmarks half marathon in April, and friend Jake Walsh from Cassledon and Walsh funeral directors has arranged a team to take part in the Tough Mudder challenge.
Clare added: “We want to aim for 500 tickets and we’re already up to 300 sold – and I think we can go up to 800 which would be amazing. Sam is doing a lot of the organising as well. We will tell Rocky’s story and then have some bingo games before going into the Anyway Up Bingo which is similar to Bongo’s Bingo.
“There will be UV painting, a photo box, and I’m also emailing lots of companies asking if they can donate prizes for a raffle, and we’ve got some really good ones like a llama walking experience, afternoon tea and an Alpamare voucher. We’re lucky that we can use the venue – this is the biggest thing my partner and I can do in terms of fundraising and I think it’ll be a really good night. I’m just anxious for it to be really good!”
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