‘It is an emotional event in the fact you are remembering your lost babies, but at the same time it is comforting and you are around people who understand’
The Tidal Barrier in Hull is going to be lit up blue and pink as part of Baby Loss Awareness Week later this month. Anyone affected by baby loss or miscarriage is invited to gather and light candles near the barrier in tribute of babies lost too soon.
It is part of Wave of Light, which sees people from all over the world gather on Wednesday, October 15, at 7pm in their local time, to send the ‘wave’ across the globe. Adrian Robinson, from the Environment Agency, has organised the informal event in Hull.
Mark and Jo Halsey, from Skirlaugh, have gone through the heartbreak of losing 13 babies, including twin boys Benjamin and Oliver at 29 weeks. Mark, who also works for the Environment Agency, will be helping to set up the lights this year.
Jo told the Hull Daily Mail the barrier looked “stunning” when it was lit up in 2023 and she is “very grateful” the Environment Agency is doing it again this year. “It is an emotional event in the fact you are remembering your lost babies, but at the same time it is comforting and you are around people who understand,” Jo added.
She said it provides a space for grief and there are “always people around to give you a hug”. Jo recalled speaking with a young couple at 2023’s event who found it emotional but helpful.
“The father actually broke down in tears,” she said. “Their loss had been a few months earlier, and he’d not actually felt as though he’d been able to open up and discuss the loss.
“Everybody goes, ‘How is the mum doing?’ I know when we lost Benjamin and Oliver people were ringing Mark and going, ‘How is Jo? How is Jo?’ they weren’t asking how Mark was, and it was his sons as well.”
“It is a lovely time to come together because quite often baby loss can be brushed aside. We’ve lost our 13 babies and, a week after losing Benjamin and Oliver at birth, I was told: ‘Move on, get on with your life now.’
“It doesn’t matter if you go on and have other children, it still does not replace the ones you lost. Then there’s people like Mark and I who have not actually been able to go on and have children, no matter how many times we’ve tried it’s just not happened for whatever reason.”
Jo feels it is important to be able to share these events with others and tell them “you are not alone, there is somebody there that understands and is there for you and with you”. You can participate in Wave of Light privately at home, but anyone who wants to join is welcome to come to the Tidal Barrier on October 15, with candle lighting beginning at a 7pm and lasting for one hour.